


Free

by olivemartini



Series: the heavy hearts we hold together [21]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 11:49:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11622912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: She's never going to let Spencer out of her sight now that he's come back to her.





	Free

She doesn't think she's going to let go of him again.

She runs to him, crossing the room faster than she thought possible, hurtling into his arms as soon as the elevator door opens.  "I missed you,"  Beatrice says, and she's crying, face wet with tears even though she's happy, happier than she could ever remember being.  Happier than she expected to be tonight.  "I missed you, and I love you, and you're never leaving me again, okay?  Never ever."

"Okay."  It's his quiet voice, the two of them alone voice, the one that makes her want to kiss him, but Beatrice doesn't since they're in a room full of people and how he's turning to hug his mother.  But his eyes find hers over Diana's shoulder and Beatrice thinks that finally, after everything, they're going to get to go home together.  "Never ever."

 

 

There's the whole Mauve thing to deal with.

Or possibly the Jane thing.

Beatrice isn't sure what to call it, but since it's not fair to blame a dead girl, she calls it the Lindsey thing, which is the same thing as calling it the Jane thing but not quite.

He tells her later that night, after they stop with the hugs and the celebrating, after they leave the team, after Diana has gone to bed (she is going back to the assisted living in two days) and he is kneeling at her feet.  His voice is quiet and guilty, like he had done something wrong, voice stuttering.  Beatrice doesn't understand all of it, but she understands enough-  _Lindsey, drugs, didn't know, pretended she was Mauve, I'm sorry, I didn't want to, or if I did want to I'm sure I didn't want to want to, I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

Beatrice swallows up any hurt that they managed to trick him into thinking it was Mauve, because love for a ghost is easier to maintain for a real person, and again, it's hard to blame a dead girl.  "It's okay,"  She tells him, thinking of how close they came to raising not one kid but two, which he still doesn't know about.  "It's not your fault."

She slides to the ground, marveling at the fact that she gets to hold him again.  "None of this was your fault."

 

 

Diana leaves.

Spencer goes with her and comes back the same day, claiming that he wanted to give her time to settle in.  The two of them seemed to take up so much more space in the apartment now that Diana wasn't there, so it was inevitable that they finally gave into the tension between them and tumbled back down onto the bed, keeping the door open because Beatrice had suddenly developed a case of claustrophobia.  

"I'm sorry,"  He says, long enough after that she had thought he had fallen asleep.  "I should have told you."

These past few days felt like they were ironing things out, working out the wrinkles between them and trying to make it a smooth road again.  "Yeah, you should've."  She reaches out for his hand in the darkness.  "Never do it again."

There is a smile on his voice when he speaks.  "Okay."

 

 

Lindsey is found guilty.

Beatrice still has trouble calling her Lindsey, though she'll never call her Jane to anyone else, because she does not think she can admit to the time they spent together in that little bathroom.  How much they talked, what they told each other, how in a space of a few short weeks, Beatrice had came to care for this sad, lonely woman with too much pain.  

"She can't hurt you,"  Spencer says later, after the news made headlines and he pulls her to him.  "Never again."

"I know that."   _She never hurt me anyways._ "I'm not afraid of her."   _I never was._

"Do you hate her?"  It's a fair question, but it still startles her.  She doesn't think about things like hate much.

_No._

_Not that part that was Jane, anyways._

 

 

"I have to tell you something."  She feels the words rise up, taking up all the room inside of her, and this time she lets them run free.  "I'm pregnant."  Spencer stops, looking up from his book.  "It's yours, obviously."

He's happier than she thought he would be.  Spencer had confessed that even though every part of him was sickened with what Lindsey had done and with the possibility that Cat might be pregnant, a part of him still had spent that night thinking of the little child that could have been, about raising his own kid.  And now he was, under much happier circumstances.  "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was scared."  She looks at the floor when she says it, but when she looks itno his face, there is no blame there.  "And then things got crazy."

"I don't care,  it doesn't matter."  He throws his head back and laughs, laughs long and hard and happy, and it's a sound she hasn't heard since he got back from prison. "I'm going to be a dad!"  Then he stills, like he remembered something very important.  "Marry me."

"What?"  It's a shriek, but he takes it in stride, rummaging through his drawers until he finds his old class ring (impossibly tiny, because he was impossibly young, but it still would fit on her finger) and comes to kneel in front of her.

"Marry me.  Marry me, and I'll buy you a real ring later, but damn it, I want to propose, and I want to marry you, and I want to spend the rest of our lives together, and we'll raise the best kid there ever was.  Alright?"

It's not romantic.  It's not brilliant.  But it's perfect.  "Yes."  She laughs until she cries, marveling at how fast things have changed.  "A thousand times, yes."

 

 

They'd decided on a lot of things over the past few weeks.

They decided to move out of the apartment and to one with less memories.  They decided that she would write her book, and Spencer would keep working for the BAU.  They decided that JJ was the god mother and Rossi the god father, that the nursery was going to be themed around "The Lorax," and they were going to get a cat.

"We still need a name."  He says one day, over the pancakes that she demanded he make because,  _I just need some right now, okay Reid?_

Beatrice pokes her pancakes with her fork, thinks of those late nights in the bathroom.  About the future she and Lindsey planned out for this little girl, the happy ending that Lindsey never got.  "What about Jane?"

"Jane."  Reid nods, takes it into consideration, then smiles slowly, the expression moving over his face.  "I like Jane a lot."

Beatrice nods, and thinks of the visitation request sitting in her upstairs drawer, how humans are strange creatures and she was going to be one of her own.  "Yeah,"  She mutters, and thinks that this might be her chance at penance, and decides that she was going to be see Lindsey, even if it made Spencer angry.   _Stockholm Syndrome,_ they would mutter, but not really believe it because it didn't fit the profile.  "I liked her, too."

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was the end.  
> I hoped you like Beatrice and her story. Thanks to those who have commented already, and to all those who have finished this, please leave me a message to let me know what you think! It makes my day to hear what you thought of it.  
> Basically, this was just something I wrote while recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed, so if it was a little under developed, that's why. Hope you liked it!


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